Relationship is very much complicated, so building a strong relationship with your stepchildren is like walking on a tightrope. Therefore, you need to find a balance between being another authority figure and being a friend. It is imperative and you should not try to replace the parent. Hence, here are a few tips to build a strong relationship with your step child.
Build a Friendship
It is not common for a stepparent to accept the role of being a friend to his stepchild. If you try to build a friendship with them then it would be a good start. The child may not like you so you need to be patient and take it slow. You should keep in mind that relationships take time to build and in order to build a strong relationship you need to gain the trust of the step child by making friendship.
Encourage Openness
One thing a stepparent can do is to let the members of the family know that they can express their emotions and discuss their fears and insecurities. They are most likely to confide in their parent at first.
Give Them Some Space
This is the most important not with you and your stepchild, but between the child and his biological parent. You should allow them to go on outings alone together or have special time together at home. This doesn't mean that you have to fade away into the background, but it does show the child that she is still important to her parent. You should not try to push her out of the picture. With time, you may be able to enjoy some one-on-one time with the child and let her take the lead and your step child will only say you about the right time.
Share Their Enthusiasm
Being a step parent, you should take an interest in your stepchild's hobbies and passions. If the child enjoys art, ask if you can see some of their work. If the child plays guitar, ask him how long he/ she has been playing and what their favorite song is to play. You should be sure that you are sincere as the kids are smart enough to know if you are just patronizing them. If you "oh" and "ah" over everything the child does, it will get old quickly and the child will not respect you.
Be Sure to Partner with Your Spouse
You and your spouse will need to be in constant, open communication about the family. You both must be mutually supportive of each other and make joint decisions regarding the family. The child should be sure that you both are united in your decisions.
Be Determined
You must always keep in mind that the process of becoming “family like” will not happen overnight. It may take several years to build a relationship. Therefore, you must keep working at it because the benefits of your relationships with your stepchildren will be worth it.
Recognize Everyone's Role
You must respect the other parent. Even there is some misunderstanding with the other parent, never let the child see that. When the child wants to tell you about the other parent then just smile and listen without judgment. You must keep in mind that your stepchild loves both the biological parents.
Leave the Discipline to the Biological Parent
Being a stepparent it would be a good idea to set up a list of house rules and consequences together, but let the biological parent lead the discussion with the child. You can establish the consequences which requires to be followed even if the biological parent is not at home. If you do this way then the child will be disciplined and it is something that the child will know that it will happen. As you build trust and respect with the child then you are likely to gain more authority.
Laugh a Lot
You should have a sense of humor even though it is not always fun or funny. Do not think that you have to create a perfect little life for your new family. You should remember that things will happen and everything will not run smoothly all the time. If you laugh more then everyone will adjust with you faster in a positive way. By doing this you will be proud about yourself that you helped make that happen.
Maintain a Sense of Humor
If your stepchild is in their teens then it becomes more important to maintain a positive attitude. By maintaining a good sense of humor will help to treat the teen behavior. It would be wise if you save your energy for important things by not taking the little things too seriously. You should always try to have fun with your stepchildren. For example: - you both can watch comedy movies and spend the day at an amusement park.
Do not Turn Your Stepchildren into Scapegoats
Being a stepparent sometimes the children can be frustrating but you must be sure not to blame them for all the problems in your family or relationship with your spouse. You should ask yourself if their attitudes and actions are the true problem or if you tend to be more frustrated with something else like finances, your own feelings of being an outsider or the way your spouse is ineffectively disciplining the children. You must find it out but dare not to blame the stepchildren as it could worsen the relationship.
Be a Family
Being a stepparent, you must ensure that your stepchild is still the prime member of the family. Therefore, it means that your stepchild should have responsibilities that are age-appropriate. You must discuss what the child's normal responsibilities were at home before you were together, and figure out how to incorporate something similar. And of course, you can even ask the stepchild what kind of responsibilities would the child like to have and also the child should know that you care about what he thinks, too.
Therefore, you should follow this certain effective ways which would help you to build strong relationship with your stepchild.